THE THIRD ACT

INTIMATE ESSAYS

Entrepreneur, philanthropist, and founder of Referrals Opportunities Respect, sits down to reflect for a no-holds-barred intimate essay series on the life she has revolutionized time and again.

I often feel like an outsider in so many domains of my life — just outside others’ grasp or comprehension.

A juxtaposition between my appreciation for art, culture, community and high society, and a world that attributes so much unwarranted meaning to race and class. It was challenging to make sense of who I was and who I wanted to be in each of these communities, in the face of stereotypes and other people’s expectations of who and where a person like me could or should be.

These are the contradictions I’ve wrestled with my whole life, oscillating between high society and Black-centered spaces.

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Picture It: Little Burgundy, Montreal — circa 1994

A curious young Caribbean girl — wise beyond her years, sits in a modest downtown public housing apartment, her eyes fixed on the television. Just blocks away, a glittering gala unfolds. She’s mesmerized by the elegance: the socialites, the lavish décor, the exclusive guest list, the sweeping haute couture gowns—and the powerful idea that a single cause could unite it all.

That girl was me, and that event was the inaugural Daffodil Ball.

Since then, between 2013 and 2017, I contributed to three Daffodil Balls, along with numerous other galas, non-profit benefits, runway, lifestyle, concert and private events.

In my personal life, I’m still making sense of it all — but it’s within these seemingly opposing spaces that I’ve found the freedom to bring my full self to the table. Each experience has allowed me to redefine who I was, growing through challenges and learning from setbacks to become a stronger, more grounded version of myself. As I expanded my talents into the world of luxury with Fendi (LVMH) and Holt Renfrew (The Selfridges Group), I remained a key contributor on teams that not only pushed me to excel, but also gave me the space to become more than I ever imagined possible.

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However, getting there wasn’t always safe. There were the sexual advancements, and attempts to withhold payments. The efforts to shape my character, personality and integrity disguised as “training”. Clients using disparaging language, demanding preferential treatment. People disguised as friends trying to poach my clients. The suspect gazes questioning my belonging and downplaying my accomplishments. Formal complaints were routinely ignored routinely ignored, and only being taken seriously months after several reported incidents. The dismissive attitude for the open and witnessed attempts to patronize and intimidate me, with one incident ending in a hail of insults screaming that I was “nothing and nobody”.

But even through the turmoil, tears and diminishing self-worth, the impact, prestige and portfolio I was building outweighed these experiences.

I’ve always met challenges head-on. But when the stakes got higher and my network of influence grew larger, I didn't want to let myself or others down. I was paralyzed with the responsibility of preserving my livelihood and social currency, navigating the inner workings of the corporate world without the mentorship and guidance so many were looking to me to provide.

These behaviors weren’t isolated, they were embedded in every space I entered. Still, I rose quickly, gaining recognition from the parent company of the luxury brand I represented in less than a year. I told myself I’d made it this far navigating around it, right? But apart of your ability to ascend, is also your Willingness to overlook and problematic dynamics.

These intimate and vulnerable moments often mark a milestone when we instinctively reach out to an elder for protection—a voice that may not always say what you want to hear, but one you can always trust to advocate for you, especially in spaces lacking leadership truly committed to change.

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But despite everything I’ve experienced, I’ve stayed true to myself throughout my entire career—never allowing those experiences to keep me out of rooms or box me into a corner. An unwavering faith, that the world would one day see me as I see myself. That my talents could be expansive, limitless—even infinite. That I could do many things, play many roles, and still remain whole. And that’s exactly what I’ve been striving for.

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A decade later, as I step into the third act of my career, I find myself thinking about what I want for the next one like me, and for all those who come to me seeking guidance. I think about legacy. About what I’m building for the generations to come. Whether they'll have the chance to bring their humanity, humour, wit, presence and self-awareness to an industry that has space for so many diverse skills and abilities, and to feel the joy that I feel opening doors for others.

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Widely known for carving out her own unique paths to success, empowerment and personal growth discussing iconic moments in her life, Charlene Mc Farlane is on a benevolent crusade for us to look bravely at the things we rarely discuss in entrepreneurship - courage, fear, vulnerability, empathy and competition – asking, “What does success look like without the agency to self-advocate?” Sharing deep insight from her research and life experience as an educator, panelist and contributing writer, anyone who experiences Charlene’s collection of thoughtful evolving content, trusted advice and learning tools is constantly reaching for higher ground, carving out a unique position in the marketplace, expressing their individual style and aspiring to make wise choices. 

Learn more at: TheNewROR.com

Images: Naskademini (Montreal, Canada)